Senator George "Stop Calling me Joni" Mitchell's Report

I. "Joni Mitchell Never Lies" -Q-Tip

I admit it, I bought into the whole "this will be a day that changes the future of sports". I spent about 6 hours at work actually listening to ESPN Radio on the Internet. I listened to Sen. Mitchell's talk and then listened to some analysis and then I listened to Commissioner Selig's speech. Afterwards, it reminded me of that t-shirt that says, "I shaved my balls for this?".

Essentially, the report was partly filled with hearsay and partly filled with copies of checks. Sen. Mitchell spent 20 million dollars to find 70-some names in a 10-15 year history of the steroid era. He was able to find 2 guys to squeal like pigs, that's right, 2. But at least he exposed some serious figures in baseball history: Glenallen Hill, Todd Hundley, Brian Roberts......uhhhh what? Of course, we did get some information on Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite, but really, that was it. Some of the names listed had harder evidence, some had little evidence. Did anyone hear David Justice's rebuttal today? It was pretty legit, and to be honest, I believe him. Makes you wonder why David Justice would vehemently deny using steroids, while Roger Clemens would have his attorney spout off some gibberish. The point is, if there wasn't hard evidence, any of these players could deny it, and it wouldn't be a problem.

I believe that it would really be impossible to chip away and discover all that happened during this pathetic era in baseball. For me, the hope is that baseball gets its head out of its ass and really adheres to a serious drug testing program. Be thorough, don't give any advance warning, and continue to increase the length of punishment. Show players and the general public that the use of banned substances won't be tolerated and that it will put a huge dent in the incomes of these players.

II. Don't Write a Check Your Butt/Drug Dealer Can't Cash

Checks? Those guys actually wrote checks for steroids/HGH? Really? Was I the only one who started to scan the PDF yesterday and did a double-take when I came across some check copies?

Over the years, I've heard the talk about how baseball is filled with some real dummies. Being that a majority of players come straight out of high school and into the pros or the minors, they are the least educated of all professional sports. Is this true? I can't say for certain and I don't know any professional baseball players personally. But I'll tell you this, that line of thought sure was validated yesterday! Baseball players must be dumb as rocks. Please tell me David Segui, Larry Bigbie, Rondell White, and Denny Neagle, that you didn't really write personal checks for your illegal substances. I'm almost positive that in the little memo section, Rondell White wrote 'muscles'. Glenallen Hill's memo section read, 'me want big arms, to drive ball across Waveland'.

I guess this just goes to show that if you are dumb enough to cheat and use HGH, you are dumb enough to write checks to your drug dealer. So the next time all you readers out there go to pick up your dime bags, don't forget to bring the check book.

Coming soon, part two of our Joni Mitchell report coverage.