More MLB Playoffs with a tangent on licking balls and Cedric Benson (amazingly, two separate topics)

For the record, this is one of those trendy blogs that can’t allow itself to get bogged down in traditional, paragraph form (i.e. the authors listened to Dark Side of the Moon in the DQ parking lot during high school English). In short, you’d do well to familiarize yourself with the innovative “numbered list" format that we’re currently showcasing.

And now, back to the (innovatively organized) MLB ramblings:

1) Did anyone else jettison the Yankees from the “contenders” column upon realizing that Chien-Ming Wang was starting Game 1? Admittedly, if General Tso starts Game 2, I might jump back on the bandwagon.

2) I HEART Kenny Lofton.

3) I’m staring at The Big Hurt on TBS and, unlike Steve Stone, he looks like he might have worn a suit before: impressive.

4) It’s not a good sign when one of your best hitters, Aramis Ramirez, is flinching at the opposing pitcher’s fastball (even if it is Valverde).

5) While Cubs fans are licking Jim Hendry’s balls this winter (annual occurrence), maybe someone will suggest that he sign a few players whose walk/strikeout ratio is a positive number.

6) Am I allowed to say “licking balls” in the public domain?

7) If the answer to #6 is “no” and you’re contemplating a lawsuit, know that a) I’m a penniless fool and b) I was actually quoting Stand By Me (“Chopper, sick balls”).

8) The Dbacks and Rockies are for real.

9) Following up on #8, playing in the best division in baseball and collecting 90 wins should make you a prohibitive favorite over a Cubs team that got swept by the Marlins last week. A prohibitive favorite.

10) The Bears should call C.C. Sabathia and ask him if he wants Cedric Benson's job as soon as the Tribe’s season is over. I wouldn’t even worry about whether a) Sabathia has ever played football or b) if he can pass a physical. Trust me Jerry Angelo, this move would improve your team.

11) Speaking of Benson, I'm setting the over/under for his career fantasy total at the square root of -1 (and yes, that is an imaginary number).

12) This penniless fool’s money is on the Indians.