Lake Tittikaka....

This blog entry is dedicated to the old codger who feeds the some 1000 pigeons (flying rats) each morning smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk on Monroe St. Dude, it's not that cool.

I. The Interview

When the allegations surfaced late last week, in regards to the apparent breast enlargement of Erin Andrews, the Senior Editor of The Sports Deporters (Chest Rockwell) sent Oil Can Boyd out to investigate the matter. The following is an excerpt of his afterhours conversation with Miss Andrews at Club Seven in Las Vegas.......all post a full day of Mojitos in Havana, Cuba.

Oil Can Boyd: I'm lovin' how you look in my eyes, swangin' them hips when you pass. I'm visualizin' my name tattooed on that ass.....baby.

E. Andrews: Excuse me?

O. Can Boyd: If you read between the lines you can see that I want you, I betcha I'll have you doin' what you said that you won't do. Make a decision shorty, good thangs don't last long.....you're girlfriend keeps showing me that thong.

E. Andrews: It's all because of you. I'm feelin' sad and blue, 'cause you went away and now my life is filled with rainy days.

O. Can Boyd: Cheer Up! [I gave her a hit.] You can't have me I'm too young for you CENSOR.

E. Andrews: No your not! [She starts cryin'.]

O. Can Boyd: I'm nineteen.

E Andrews: Stop lyin'.

O. Can Boyd: I am. Go ask my mother, and with your wrinkled CENSOR....CENSOR..CENSOR.

The details beyond this point are hazy to all conspirators, but rumor has it that Oil Can Boyd was found later that night at The Hard Rock Casino in a crowded hot tub with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. See US Weekly for further details.

II. The Call

I am not one to toot my own horn, but......well, yes I am. I am still waiting on the good, hard-earned cash payoff from Ivan Drago. How 'bout them SOOOOX. I really wasn't even scared at 1-3. Why? See all of the reasons I listed previously.....and that's why Boston won. Beckett was absolutely reDonkulous, Schilling was pretty damn good in Game 6, and Dice K was above average in Game 7. And oh yeah, those Boston hitters I was stroking last week? They outscored the Indians 30-5 over the last 3 games. That's titties.

Oil Can says, Boston again, this time in 5 games.

Ivan, make your check payable to Mr. and Mrs. Erin Andrews.

III. Stuff

When did Pedro Gomez start to look like Herman Munster? He looks downright terrible. Is it because it's his busy season? He just called Aaron Cook, Dennis Cook. Dude, get some sleep. Maybe I'm the only one that saw him on TV the other night.....but I felt bad for the guy.


Kelvin Sampson still works for Indiana University. I'm still bummed out.

IV. The Idea

Here's my addition to the world of reality TV. I want to start a reality show.....and maybe this has happened, but if it has, the show wasn't good enough. Anywho, I want to start a show where they take your average, everyday people and put them together with some of the best sports trainers in the world. The selected people, who would have to try out and fall under some maximum standards for selection, would be able to select a sport in which they would spend the next 6 months to a year doing nothing but training for that sport in which they would try to go pro......What a great idea you say? That's what I thought too.

If anybody is reading this who can make it happen, the only stipulation is that I get an automatic bid.

I came up with this idea because I think I could go pro if I just had enough time to work on my game. What is my game you ask. Well, when I was in the sixth grade I was an undefeated pitcher in Little League. I'm ambidextrous, but mostly left handed and I hit for average. I'm pretty sure my average the last year before I retired was .444. I threw a cut fastball, a good two seamer, and right before I retired I discovered a solid off-speed pitch. In fact, I struck out Chris Wells twice in one game and threw him 6 palm balls. We won the league and won the playoffs that year, but unfortunately my mom scheduled our family vacation for the playoffs and I wasn't able to expose the Josh Beckett in me. It is my belief that I could be a pretty good relief pitcher for, at least, the next 15 years.

I also think that I have a better jumper than JJ Redick and that I would be a more effective pro player than he will be. So really, I would have a difficult decision on my hands deciding between those two.

In other news, stay tuned for The Sports Deporters Podcast. It will be coming to an iTunes near you, soon.